Since don't know when... I decided to stop blogging.. I forgot what's the reason.. but now for sure.. I know what's the reason for me to start again.. I'm in sch now.. in my lab.. feeling lost and having no idea what will actually happen to me.. or actually i know.. just that I'm running away from the fact.. maybe.. because.. I really cannot face the truth.. i don't know how to face it.. face the fact that you are leaving me.. everyday I tried to hold back my tears... but the tap just won't close.. in the past.. I've never felt this pain before.. that's why i don't understand alot of things in life.. these few days is one of the most painful period I'm going through in my whole 19 years of life.. I know.. some things in life are very hard to escape away.. everyone will need to face this pain one day.. just that my one came earlier..

I know.. the trust is gone.. but is it so hard to just say give me chance.. why you can be so cruel.. everytime we quarrel.. in the end we stil know we love each other.. and then we became okay few days later because we love each other.. but now.. why.. after going through so much.. when I really understand the pain.. and promise you that I really need you.. you gave me cold shoulders.. the moment in the cab just now was really painful.. why is it so hard to actually believe me after a year but for him, you fall so fast.. I felt betrayed.. I know you felt the same way before..but at that time we manage to overcome everything and once again love each other and dote on each other.. why can't this time round we do it again..

every new starting it will of cause only have happy moments.. but if he can actually snatch away someones laopo when they are in a midst of quarreling.. how good can this guy be.. in the end, what if he does the same thing back to you... then you will get hurt again.. and I can't bear to see you get hurt.. that's why I really can't take the lost of you from my life.. I thought my craziness can actually proof to you my sincerity.. but I guess it make things worst.. I kept thinking action speaks louder then words.. that's why i wanted to use action to proof to you how much I love you and how much I can't live without you.. but I guess it was just another thing to make u find me even more irritating..

on the way home I told myself.. am I really that bad.. until I can't even make my laopo trust me anymore.. or is it because.. i always expect things on return while u don't.. and the answer was the latter.. I always expect something for return.. I always expect your love for return.. when ever I do something.. I always expect you to love me more.. but sometimes when you do things.. you only want to make me happy without expecting any returns.. maybe some hugs and kisses or maybe just only a thank you....

but how not to feel paranoid.. I really can't do it.. the more I tried not to think.. the more things pop out in my mind.. like how he will actually get you and after having enough fun, throw you away.. or he doesn't really loves you and hurt you.. that's why I keep objecting you to go out with him.. I'm a guy.. I guess every guys know.. that spending some sweet moments with a girl at certain moments when she's down.. is the most easiest period to capture her heart.. I guess everyone knows this.. especially the people who really make use of it.. they are the realy players.. I'm one myself too.. I've many friends around me who are players too.. but.. whatever I say doesn't seems to print in your mind..

maybe I should just let go.. maybe I should give you 2 my well wishes.. but in life.. road is choose by ourself.. it shouldn't be choose by others.. I chose the road of waiting for you.. loving you and become an official couple.. having our home with purple and lime green... and with 4 children.. or maybe only 2.. this is our dream..

sometimes I really wonder.. is this really retribution..
_>_>_Zhi Yang>_>_> gave his heart at8/03/2010 10:43:00 AM

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