Just now.. when I pass the cake.. showed the power point presentation.. and clarify things.. I tried to hold back my tears.. cos I wan2 leave a good impression.. I wan2 leave shuai enough.. don't wish to leave an ugly image.. when i show u the cake.. your face smile abit.. i'm so happy.. i really didn't noe dat actually having your little smile is such a heavenly thing for me.. last time always smile when i c you smile.. i didn't realise it's so impt in my life.. when i show de presentation.. i dun wan things to turn awkward.. so i try to laugh abt it n joke abt it.. but actually i'm crying.. bleeding.. but i dun wanna say it out.. dun wanna show it out.. cos tis time round.. all i wan is your smile.. i did everything tis time round just to make u happy.. last time always do things.. hoping for returns.. nw i realise.. realise so much things dat i didn't realise in the past..

so many things i didn't said carefully.. in the end.. cause such a dying pain in me.. so many things.. maybe.. i'm used to keeping things inside me.. thinking no need to say to prove that i love you.. in the end.. i was wrong.. nw.. everything i do dun seems to have any meaning anymore.. losing u makes me lose everything cos u are my everything.. waking up early to go sch.. eating.. drinking.. smiling.. joking.. feeling happy.. going home.. slping.. dun seems to have any meaning behind anymore.. 1 year... is it so easy to say let go jiu let go.. i really can't bear to do it.. but i've to.. in order to bring a smile to you when u talk to me.. to make de one i love happy.. nw.. i really dun do things hoping for u to return to me.. cos i really understand u too well.. too well until i dun wan2 accept the truth..

just nw when we were clarifying things.. i say i will w8 for u.. i really mean wad i say.. i did think abt situation whereby wad if u get tgt with him.. will i still w8.. my answer to myself is yes.. cos i really can't find another person lyk you.. maybe there's more out there.. so much better den u in everything.. but i dun tink i can find another person who can sacrifice so much for me and do so much things for me just because you love me.. even though it hurt u so much.. after going through so much.. reaching a point whereby i'm gonna lose u 4ever.. i stil wun treasure u mehx?? but it's too late for u.. u asked me why i didn't do all these things for u earlier.. n u warned me be4.. when u get used to something.. u will nv believe it again..

but i stil felt betrayed.. cos when we were tgt.. u already knew he lyks u.. but i'm not informed.. but who to blame.. only blame on me for not doting u enough n let other guy have de chance.. count myself unlucky lohx.. lyk tat 1 year de relationship say end jiu end.. why sometimes girls can be so cruel.. so cold blooded.. indeed.. i didn't cherish my chances well enough.. cos i always thought i did my best already.. but den last time always will find why u so unreasonable.. suan u only jiu cannot take it.. lyk so xiao qi no humour.. after everything den realise.. i'm so stupid.. last time when disturb ppl very fast will noe their limits.. but for you.. i lost my directions..

when a person falls so deep.. how long does he needs to climb back up.. my friend told me.. if tis relationship is a year.. u need a year to climb back.. if it's a month.. u will need a month to climb back.. but i have friends who took 3 years.. and they are no where near.. u keep saying.. u dun understand why only when u tell me u wanna be single den i start to do all these things n start to really full force thinking..
i've said wad i really think.. but.. to me..we love each other.. i thought through.. i gave my promises.. dun u understand me well enough.. until tis certain moment i gonna lose u le.. makes me grown up so much.. but yet.. i dun understand why u can't accept me back.. n work on our problems... 1 year de relationship.. so much mermories.. all our loves.. say dun wan jiu dun wan.. just becos at tis very moment there's tis guy.. that gives u the same feeling lyk how i gave u last time... i just dun understand.. our little quarrel.. will go dao tis extend mehx.. i truely noes wad's happening.. but i can't say.. i can't.. cos i really love u and i dun wanna say tis kind of hurtful words to you..

since u trust him so much.. and u really tink he can treat u better den i can.. loves u n dotes u more den me.. more sincerity den me.. i can only leave wishing u 2 good luck.. and hopes dat u wun get hurt.. but.. i dk why i will have tis thinking.. is.. i will be there for you.. my crazy love for you.. will be there.. when u are lost.. i will be the light tat guide u back.. am i silly.. haha.. i guess so..............
_>_>_Zhi Yang>_>_> gave his heart at8/04/2010 10:45:00 PM

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After all is said and done, we still all don't know the path life has for us. You will get better and things will get better.. :)

By  Anonymous, at 12:11 PM  

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Since don't know when... I decided to stop blogging.. I forgot what's the reason.. but now for sure.. I know what's the reason for me to start again.. I'm in sch now.. in my lab.. feeling lost and having no idea what will actually happen to me.. or actually i know.. just that I'm running away from the fact.. maybe.. because.. I really cannot face the truth.. i don't know how to face it.. face the fact that you are leaving me.. everyday I tried to hold back my tears... but the tap just won't close.. in the past.. I've never felt this pain before.. that's why i don't understand alot of things in life.. these few days is one of the most painful period I'm going through in my whole 19 years of life.. I know.. some things in life are very hard to escape away.. everyone will need to face this pain one day.. just that my one came earlier..

I know.. the trust is gone.. but is it so hard to just say give me chance.. why you can be so cruel.. everytime we quarrel.. in the end we stil know we love each other.. and then we became okay few days later because we love each other.. but now.. why.. after going through so much.. when I really understand the pain.. and promise you that I really need you.. you gave me cold shoulders.. the moment in the cab just now was really painful.. why is it so hard to actually believe me after a year but for him, you fall so fast.. I felt betrayed.. I know you felt the same way before..but at that time we manage to overcome everything and once again love each other and dote on each other.. why can't this time round we do it again..

every new starting it will of cause only have happy moments.. but if he can actually snatch away someones laopo when they are in a midst of quarreling.. how good can this guy be.. in the end, what if he does the same thing back to you... then you will get hurt again.. and I can't bear to see you get hurt.. that's why I really can't take the lost of you from my life.. I thought my craziness can actually proof to you my sincerity.. but I guess it make things worst.. I kept thinking action speaks louder then words.. that's why i wanted to use action to proof to you how much I love you and how much I can't live without you.. but I guess it was just another thing to make u find me even more irritating..

on the way home I told myself.. am I really that bad.. until I can't even make my laopo trust me anymore.. or is it because.. i always expect things on return while u don't.. and the answer was the latter.. I always expect something for return.. I always expect your love for return.. when ever I do something.. I always expect you to love me more.. but sometimes when you do things.. you only want to make me happy without expecting any returns.. maybe some hugs and kisses or maybe just only a thank you....

but how not to feel paranoid.. I really can't do it.. the more I tried not to think.. the more things pop out in my mind.. like how he will actually get you and after having enough fun, throw you away.. or he doesn't really loves you and hurt you.. that's why I keep objecting you to go out with him.. I'm a guy.. I guess every guys know.. that spending some sweet moments with a girl at certain moments when she's down.. is the most easiest period to capture her heart.. I guess everyone knows this.. especially the people who really make use of it.. they are the realy players.. I'm one myself too.. I've many friends around me who are players too.. but.. whatever I say doesn't seems to print in your mind..

maybe I should just let go.. maybe I should give you 2 my well wishes.. but in life.. road is choose by ourself.. it shouldn't be choose by others.. I chose the road of waiting for you.. loving you and become an official couple.. having our home with purple and lime green... and with 4 children.. or maybe only 2.. this is our dream..

sometimes I really wonder.. is this really retribution..
_>_>_Zhi Yang>_>_> gave his heart at8/03/2010 10:43:00 AM

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